Would the real Fake Chris Allen please stand up?

Let's face it folks. Nobody said being a fake local celebrity would be easy. In fact, no one ever said anything about it at all. There's a dark side to all this they don't show you on "MTV Real Life: I'm a fake celebrity." After seeing some sensational tweets claiming I'm fake, a spammer, and I'm full of viruses, (when does a rich, good-looking fake celebrity have time to write a virus anyway?") I'd have to say it ain't all glamor, Bubba. It's just like the tabloid headlines for Jon and Kate plus Eight, but only FakeChrisAllen plus 125 (at the moment) except I haven't cheated on my spouse with a bodyguard. (Note to self: Search the yellow pages for bodyguards some time today.) Let's get it straight. I'm exactly who I say I am, Fake Chris Allen. I haven't spammed anything to anyone. Love, praise and adore me all you'd like. If not, well I couldn't imagine someone doing that, but if not I ain't gonna spam nobody. Let's not get silly. And viruses. Viruses?..Viruses...Viruses?...Viruses! I'm way to awesome and good-looking to worry about writing software that would turn your mouse cursor into an animated farting donkey.

What is it about my stardom that gets people twisted in knots like they've just seen Steven Hawking do a gainer off the high dive? Here's the deal, Bubba. Professional jealousy. It's gets ugly down there. I'm rich, powerful, and awesome and I've only been doing this for a few days. People ask me, "Hey man, why would you put up with all this junk? If it was me I'd give up and go back to my soul-sucking 9-to-5." Well friends my answer is this. The money. Let's get real for a moment. Anyone can report the weather, I mean Jesus, they've got 24 hour programming, dedicated to it. All I gotta do is glance at the TV every once and a while, regurgitate some info and people treat me like I'm Bringing Micheal Jackson back from the dead while curing cancer. And I'm getting paid in truck loads to do it. "OK, OK, you and everything about you is awesome, but how do you deal with the naysayers, the sandbaggers, the wallyjarpers?" I can't fully explain it but it turns out I'm just a little stronger-willed than your everyday Joe, well, that and the flask I keep in my sock seems to help. But hey, who am I kidding? You know this already. If you wanted to endure the hardships of a fake local celebrity you'd just create a bogus email account, venture out to the social media site of your choice, and become one.

Also friends, I'd like to add that we will be starting a new weekly column on the blog called "Fake Chris' Corner" I'll be taking your questions via email or you can just leave a question in the comments. Take this as your opportunity to pick the brain of your favorite fake celebrity.